10 Things You Can't Say In An Elevator

So, we've all had those awkward elevator moments, right? Standing there, wondering what to say—or what not to say. Well, today we're talking about the big no-nos. Here are 10 things you just can't say in an elevator unless you want some serious side-eye. It's time to keep that ride up or down a little less cringy. AUTHOR: Gabrielle Reeder

Table of Contents

1. Speaking About Your Diagnosis
2. Say Nothing
3. I'm Sorry, I Have to Do This
4. The Floor Numbers
5. I Didn't Know You Were Pregnant
6. Did You Hear What Happened Here?
7. The Target Is In Here
8. This Brings Back Memories
9. Do You Still Have Lice?
10. When Are You Gonna Tell Your Spouse About Me?
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1. Speaking About Your Diagnosis

One individual writes that your tuberculosis diagnosis is the worst thing to discuss on a crowded ride. Fake a phone call and ask the doctor, "Are you sure what I have is Tuberculosis?" The crowd will shudder away from you, and I hope the doors open soon.

2. Say Nothing

Many people suggest the worst behavior in an elevator is standing facing the wall and not speaking a word. Once you enter the elevator, put yourself in the corner and stare, unblinking, at the elevator decorations.

3. I'm Sorry, I Have to Do This

A jokester writes about a dilemma wherein an elevator guest laments, "I'm sorry, I have to do this," before passing gas. Not only will this disturb others around you, but it will also give you personal space.

4. The Floor Numbers

Another humorist claims the worst thing to say is the floor numbers with increasing or decreasing levels of excitement and noise. Making for an arduous, ecstatic ride to the penthouse.

5. I Didn't Know You Were Pregnant

not-pragnant — Image Credit: Shutterstock

"True story: This happened quite a few years ago, I was working for a company, and the offices were in a high-rise building. 5:00 PM, we get into the elevator. There are about 12-15 people.

Mark sees Marta and says: hello Martha, I haven't seen you in a very long time. When are you due? Martha: I am not pregnant. For the entire elevator ride, you could cut the silence with a knife," someone recalls.

6. Did You Hear What Happened Here?

A delivery driver shares his go-to catchphrase while scaling floors in buildings. "You hear about all the people who died in this elevator?" he asks the others sharing a ride.

7. The Target Is In Here

To raise tension and scare others around you, dress in a suit, wear one headphone, and blacked-out sunglasses, wait for an uncomfortable moment of silence, and say, "The target is in the elevator right now."

8. This Brings Back Memories

This one is self-explanatory yet unsettling. "Elevators always remind me of my first victim." Silence will ensue, as well as drawn-out discomfort.

9. Do You Still Have Lice?

Here's a great way to make the elevator guests scatter like lice. Turn to whoever is next to you and question, "Do you still have lice?" Scratch your head a bit to drive the joke home.

10. When Are You Gonna Tell Your Spouse About Me?

"True story, my mom and dad were in a crowded elevator while my mom was very obviously pregnant to the point of bursting. She looked at my dad and said, 'When are you going to tell your wife about me?" My parents are happily married; she was pranking him. My dad said it was the longest elevator ride of his life," one remembers.

Source: Reddit.

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French Fries with Ice Cream — Image Credit: Shutterstock

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